I’m too angry to write, and I’m tired of being angry

I tried to write today, and I failed. Hard. I must have gotten up to document seven, averaging around 500 words each, before I gave it up as a bad job. I kept getting angry. I wanted to write about an aspect of romance, but I found myself getting so worked up at the bullshit men pull, I had to push away from my desk.
Then I thought, we need to talk about Serena, but I just couldn’t deal with the level of ire raised by the hate she receives for being GOAT while black. #icantevendeal

Something lighthearted then, perhaps the way my heart swells when I think about how much I love my daughter, or just how wonderful my son is, as in literally causing me to be full of wonder, but that too degenerated into waves of fury at the thought of the black woman’s burden in this world where #ifidieinpolicecustody is an actual thing. And if it is bad for black women, what must it be like for black men, emasculated as they are in a world where the alpha male is and can only ever be white, straight, and wealthy. To be anything else is to be less-than and to always have to explain your existence, and be unable to protect your people from those that seek to harm, destroy and erase them. What is a man if he cannot be those very things that define manhood – provider and protector?

I’m getting angry as I type this, because I’m thinking of the backlash to come if I had readers who have bought the lie that to be equal is to be the same, when in reality men and women are equal but different.

I can’t write these days, because I get so angry, and I’m so tired of being angry. Who wants to read anger? I think the world is past that. At any rate we seem to be over it. Why else would things be happening the way they are? Isn’t it because we have become tired of being angry , because we have been angry for so long, at so many injustices, that we have crossed the Rubicon into death, even while we walk in our bodies?

Why else are we not angry, angrier than posting on Fb, when those who are supposed to lead us encourage us selling off our girl children? Why aren’t we angry when people we know and love are arrested and killed just for living and for trying to live – surely there a better way? Why aren’t we angry when we are forced to raise our children in ways that contrary to what we know to be true -we all turned out fine, why are we discarding the tried and true methods of parenting, for methods we see fail each and every day? When you understand the difference between speaking and beating, you will be a mature parent, raising normal children. Please stay seated if you had discipline problems with your children. Don’t tell me how spanking is bad when NOT spanking has led to a generation of entitled, spoilt, sick twisted little twerps. How many times have you said ‘kids these days’ forgetting that these days kids are being raised by these days parents, who are just failing, period. If you grew speaking more than one language and your kids only speak one, or speak one and another that the older members of your family are not 100% comfortable with, I’m judging you. All those mothers and fathers who think that having children who speak English and nothing else is a sign that they’ve made it, I’m looking at you.

But I digress.  I’m sorry. I got carried away for a minute there, and that is why I can’t write.

Author: rooibosandgrace

Living life loud, growing natural hair, using my words as God leads. - a recipient of Grace.

One thought on “I’m too angry to write, and I’m tired of being angry”

  1. My dear friend, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for a person’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

    James 1:19-20

    Liked by 1 person

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