What happens when you seek God? I mean, when you really seek His face? When you come before Him naked as you are and say God, this is me.
The sad thing is, people never believe that they are lovable as they are, and that’s what makes everything so hard. Sometimes, people just aren’t ready to be loved. No matter how hard you try if someone’s not ready, they’re not ready.
We are like that with God. We say God, you’re in control of everything, except that little thing. God, you understand, right? I cant just let you do everything; surely I should keep putting in effort, doing something, you know, helping things along?
It might have gone differently for you, but God and I had that conversation. His answer was – But what if you did?
Say what? What if I did what?
And the answer came -What if you let me have total control of that?
I cast the thought away, relegating it to the realm of insanity. God wouldn’t say anything remotely like that. Would He?
And yet, it kept nagging me. I’d be in the shower and I’d find myself wondering what surrendering control in that area would look like. What would it mean? What I would be doing?
The questions would not stop.
Over and over I asked myself – have I ever really surrendered my love-life to God? Ever? To be honest, I can’t say that I have. Oh I’ve said the words, what self-respecting Christian girl hasn’t?- But have I ever actually matched the deed to the word?
I have never felt freer in my life. It’s a difficult thing to explain. And yes, there is a bit of -if this is a monumental disaster of epic proportions at least I can say God did it. hehe.
The best thing about freedom? Living without guilt. Grace. My God. Wonderful outrageous scandalous Grace.