A few weeks ago I wrote this post about how when all is said and done, YOU get to decide what your life looks like. I don’t know about y’all but as for me and my family, we shall speak the word of the Lord.
Those who know me know that I’ve been battling depression for a while. What you may not know is that I had a major depressive episode over the holidays that left me, well, depressed, because it was a reminder of just how weak I am in the face of that dark brute, and how even though I call upon the Lord, I still have a thorn in my side. Ok ok I just said that to be dramatic *insert self-deprecating giggle here*
Last night, after reviewing my expenses
again and realizing again that I can’t afford my life I need to make some big sacrifices if I’m to complete my degree next year, I was feeling very sorry for myself. I curled up in bed and closed my eyes, ready to replay the endless litany of all the ways in which I am a failure when God! God!
You know, people talk about God and sometimes, I confess, I roll my eyes on the inside because come on already, there’s no need to be a real-live Bible-thumper. Well, I’m becoming that annoying person. I don’t want to be, but I do sometimes see -and feel, if it’s an online conversation- people’s eyes glaze over when I get started on who God is, on who He is for me specifically.
I say that so you will understand that I am aware of the implications of what I’m about to share, and so that you understand that there is no response that you can give that I have not given to someone else before. Be that as it may…*drum roll please*…
…last night God wrote me a love-letter, and I’m going to share it with you so that
- you know that God speaks to each one of us in a way that makes sense though to others it might seem like nonsense
- you realize that God knows your needs and answers the prayers of your heart.
I needed comfort last night, I’m not going to lie. It’s been a long month filled with disappointment but also, as last night, with God proving Himself to be God in spite of my many failings, weaknesses, and faithlessness.
Did you notice that my love-letter is really a collection of sentences and phrases from the Bible, mostly from the book of Isaiah and a little bit from one of the Psalms? What says God better than God’s own words? I also expect you to understand that although I did the typing
duh, God gave me the words. I didn’t set out to write this, and although I did edit it afterward (for punctuation, because I’m a grammar nazi I do that), trust me when I tell you that this is God’s promise to me, for me, and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I’m sharing it with you because if God can do it for me, He can do it for you too. Write you a love-letter? Well, yes, but more specifically, if you ask Him to He can and He will speak to you in a way that YOU understand, in a way that leaves you in no doubt at all about what you just heard.
My prayer for you today is that you too will hear God’s voice, that He will speak to you in a way that makes sense to you, that He will draw you close to himself and give you comfort, that in all things He will satisfy the longing of your soul. Over and above all this though, my prayer for you is that you may understand the true meaning of grace. Grace. Outrageous, undeserved, unmerited, SCANDALOUS GRACE.