I dance to this song and sing along, meaning every word. It’s in my ‘New Year’ playlist, twenty songs -some secular- that all speak to my spiritual journey. I might do a post and share maybe the top 5 one day.
Back to Becka Shae’s remake of Shape of You. When I first heard the original I didn’t think much of it but played it through a couple of times because a man I liked had referenced it and I was tryna figure out if I was missing something (I wasn’t, his appreciation of the song was decidedly not a glimpse into his feelings for me). Nonetheless it was catchy and stuck in my head until I wrote this (while thinking, of course, about said man):
A few days later a link to Becka Shae’s remake showed up on my YouTube recommendations, and although I rarely listen to covers, the word ‘Christian’ in her title caught my eye. I listened, then Googled the lyrics you know, as one does. I loved it.
Today it’s especially poignant. Tomorrow’s my birthday and as always this is a time of reflection for me. I’ve been thinking for a while but yesterday I found myself asking, what’s the point of it all? What’s the point of prayer, of all those ‘spiritual disciplines’ if at the end of the day you’re still lonely, hungry for intimacy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, longing for something you can’t quite name?
Today I continued with the reflections, heartsick and sad over the fact of my frailty when it comes to resisting sin. I had forgotten that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. As sometimes happens, a tune started up in my head and it was If Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You Were A Christian Song.
Elohim breathe on me.
Over and over that one phrase looped until I scrolled to my music player, lay down and listened to the entire song.
Elohim breathe in me.
Here’s where I went wrong:
I haven’t read my Bible in a long time. Oh, I look up verses here and there, but actually searching God’s word prayerfully or in study? It’s been a while. Giving praise? Not unless I’m singing along to my playlist, but does that really count? Really? In my case I think not, because I’m usually doing something else too: cooking, checking Facebook; it’s been a very long time since I actually set aside time of any length to just bask in God’s presence.
If I am not walking in victory, if instead of regaining my balance after stumbling I am trying to dust myself off after a fall, perhaps that is because like Peter I looked at my circumstances and took my eyes off the Lord. There is, really, no ‘if’ about it.
Elohim breathe through me.
And here’s what I’m planning to do about it:
I run back to the arms of the Father, so gladly and unashamedly accepting of the scandalous Grace that allows me to run back. I look up Words I have received in more prayerful times, and I thank God for how He pursues me even when I am distracted, disobedient and unfaithful.
Holy, holy, holy Elohim breathe on me.
As I enter my new year, I stand on the forgiveness of the Father, I bathe in His mercy, receive His gift of Grace and look to His promises. For what can separate me from the love of God? Can loneliness, or hunger, or fear or pain? Can laziness, or depression, or hardship, or insomnia?
Happy new year to me.